Wednesday, March 4, 2009

When They Invade...

Allow me to illustrate a sometimes frustrating, sometimes endearing aspect of my life in a small town. This certainly isn't particular to only my town in all of Japan, but it's surely not the case in Tokyo, Osaka or Kyoto.

Every single day, including weekends and holidays, at 3.30, 4.00 and 4.30 there is a valley-wide announcement about the end of school. It's basically just a brief message to say "Good Evening, citizens of (name omitted for legal reasons)-Town. Please remember that our students are on their way home, and be careful. Let's make sure that they all get home safe, okay?" I, for one, was absolutely charmed at such a nice message. It's nice to know that they have their priorities straight, and they care about the students of this town.

But, let me repeat that they play it every day. Saturday. Sunday. Holidays. Every single day of the year. Every day of Spring Break. Even in August, when students are allowed an entire month away from school. You would think that on the days that school was canceled, there would be a way to avoid the city-wide announcements. But, apparently, the engineer who set up the speakers all over town never intended for the message to take a break, and so my leisurely afternoon naps are interrupted three times to remind me (while I'm asleep) to be careful.

But, it is important for kids to be safe. I totally understand that. But, there's one other thing. ...I just wish it weren't so creepy! So, after school, I'll often hear the announcement on my way home from school, usually when I'm right in the middle of a rice field. Because of my placement, I can hear the message played from 5 or 6 different sets of speakers around town, only distorted or slowed down because of the wind and the time it takes for the sound to reach me.

It's kind of like...a combination of 5 or 6 different old children's 7 inch records, like the kind you can buy from a Goodwill store played simultaneously. It sounds like it's played with a strange, out of tune toy piano and a children's xylophone, and overtop a mishmash of voices all speaking in tongues (because, hey, it's Japanese, and I'm getting each broadcast at a slightly different moment).

It sounds like what I imagine aliens would play, to lull humanity into a false sense of safety before the invasion. The alien reasoning goes as follows:

First alien: "The human-children love this music. It calms them before the horrors of embracing the unconscious sleep-state. Therefore, if we combine many of these recordings, the effects will multiply, and we can reduce the human population into a more manageably docile state before the invasion."
Second alien: "Tight."

And maybe they would've been right. ...If only it just wasn't so...creepy.

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