Oh God, oh God, oh God...

Tomorrow my brother arrives in Tokyo, which is a clear signal of the end of my life in Japan. Not to say that my brother's visit is a life-ending experience, but rather that my whole life here will cease, in favor of an extended vacation. Which is...probably, a good thing. I left the school for the last time today, deflated of all pomp and ceremony. After the speeches, after the two months of saying goodbye, it ended like it started; Nigel and I chatting about bullshit as we walked to our shitty bikes, to take our customary ride home.

If anything, if I'm able to compute this whole thing at all, it's a minor shift. No doubt liquor helps a bit - I've been drinking a lot lately, as I've been totally stressed out and it helps me to just chillax. In the abstract, I'm able to think about my absence, but ... in a kind of buddhist way, contemplating my absence in a place with so many emotional connections, while possibly a good addition to my quest for enlightenment, breaks my heart a little. In fact, I'm leaving a good teaching position, where I'm helping students achieve their dreams of international connections and international friends in favor of washing dishes in a small town in Indiana.

Ehh. I don't know. By the time my brother comes tomorrow, I'll only be able to think about which karaoke place we're going to next, before we take off for Amsterdam. I'm thankful for that. If I just had my own loneliness as a guide through the memories of the past year, I'd probably be a lot more upset. With a drunk fraternational relation, it's not so bad.

I just had dinner with two nice Japanese people. I'm really going to miss having eccentric Japanese people pay to have dinner with me. I don't imagine that's something that will happen in America often. Though, of course, one never really knows...