Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Note or Two

I have two things to say today. I'm sure the first of these topics has touched us all at some point in our lives in a deep and meaningful way. No, it's not love. Nooooo, it's not the sacred bond of friendship. That's right. I'm talking about racist dogs.

Now, I bet you could train a dog to be racist. But, I think that it's more probably a naturally occurring phenomenon. I think all animals are programmed to group together with similar-looking animals (which, as a side note, has caused some pretty messed-up happenings in the history of human affairs). If, for instance, you dumped three dogs into a pit with a bear, I'd bet money that those dogs would team up to defeat the bear, because dogs are more similar to other dogs than they are to bears. Man, what an awesome spectacle that would be, to see three dogs fight a bear. ...Oh yeah, it was actually a horrible spectacle, and the reason there are no more bears in Europe. Shit.

Anyway, my thinking is that, sure you can raise a dog to be racist, but it probably also just happens because if dogs grow up around only one racial group, they'll get freaked out if another, different-looking human gets up in their space. So, that's what happens here. Alot. Where I'm at is pretty isolated from white people, and it seems like more often than not, when I see a dog, they go apeshit. They're all "Oh-my-God, oh-my-God, what a pale wide-eyed monster!" I mean, I want to be a racist-dog apologist and claim that they can't help it, and it's all natural...but, I'm definitely glad that they can't band together to make racist political groups (like the Republican party!) to try to keep me out of their town. The harassment would never stop. As it is, it's a pretty common occurrence.

Every time I go shopping, for instance, there's a dog usually perched on the second floor balcony of a nearby house. And, like clockwork, as I approach my bike with my key in my hand, the dog will bark and scare me, so that I drop my key (or almost). Meanwhile, everyone's staring to see what the dog is barking about, and I'm on my hands and knees searching for my bike key.

...Racist dogs...

Also, I've wanted to blog about a local asshole for forever. There's some guy in a purple van that I see all over town, and he drives horribly. I almost made him an entire blog, he grinds my gears so bad. All the time while I'm biking to school in the morning, PurpleVan will zoom past me at double the speed limit. Why are you always late, dude? You should leave a little earlier, okay? Because I don't want you to kill me. So, consider yourself blogged, PurpleVan. Don't you dare cross me again. Now that you're blogged, I can always update.

Sorry for cursing. I love to curse, but I've been trying to keep it mostly clean. Is anyone that read this offended by cursing? ....Is anyone enthused about it?

5 comments:

jamesdalemoffitt@gmail.com said...

Asshole hardly seems a curse word as much as an apt description when used by your Jake.. Jim M.

Unknown said...

Fuck yeah! Curse!

Unknown said...

That reminds me of that time in the mountains we talked about inter species battles for like hours. Shark vs bear!

Unknown said...

enthused!

Tara said...

Also enthused.