Puff the Magic Dragon

For those of you I haven't told personally, I sometimes feel like my job is something akin to being a glorified Chuck E. Cheese, especially at the elementary schools. None of the kids can really understand what I'm saying, and really, who cares? I'm tall, I sing silly songs, I sound funny when I speak, and my eyes are really wide and blue! Who wouldn't be stirred into a sugar-fueled grope-frenzy at my walking into the room?

At the Jr. High, it's much more merciful. I'm still kind of a joke but, much like Chuck E. Cheese, I'm not held in particularly high esteem (as far as my amusement value) by teenagers. Mercifully, they've outgrown it, to some extent. There's still the odd kid - and I do mean "odd" - who insists on calling me Spiderman or Superman. Now...initially I was flattered, you know...
"Oh, you think I look like Superman? You little flatterer, you! Well, really, you can call me Clark Kent. *psst* ...you're blowing my cover"
But hey, even flattery gets old when it's repetitive.

Anyway, at the Jr. High, even though my entertainment value has diminished, I still have to sing in front of the class. We've moved past "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes," thank god, and are firmly entrenched (or so I thought) in the Beatles and Stevie Wonder. Well, that was until yesterday. That is, until "Puff the Magic Dragon" became the new themesong to my lessons.

How awkward! As I've said in previous posts, because of extremely strict drug laws in Japan, most citizens have no idea what drugs even look like (hence the reprehensible wearing of Marijuana-print t-shirts by pre-pubescents), let alone the nuances of drug references.

So, there I am, trying to explain to Faux Feminist sensei (who loves to point out the sexism in Japanese society, but is always the first person to get up to serve male guests tea) why Little Jackie Paper loves Puff so much, without cracking up.

"Jake-sensei, why do Puff's scales fall off when Jackie Paper leaves?"
"Well, Faux-femme, it's because the marijuana cigarette is all burned up, and the ash is falling off. That's why Jackie Paper and Puff won't walk down the 'cherry lane' anymore. 'Cherry lane' means the lit part of the marijuana cigarette, as it progresses through the joint. ...Any other questions?"

Having to defend a nonsensical song full of drug-references to a classroom full of naive children (who, additionally, really love the song) is one of the more perplexing tasks I've faced. And it certainly wasn't in the job description.

It almost makes me feel strange to be exposed to so much drug culture by virtue of growing up in America. Snickering to myself in front of a room full of students all genuinely interested in the tale of a dragon and his boy makes me feel really cynical and jaded, now that I think about it.

...Dang.


(Postscript; I didn't actually say those things in front of the class. I didn't mention drugs at all. I was just taken aback at how to describe the lyrics literally without cracking up.)