Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A certain future makes an less certain man

I was part of the meeting today. It was not was I was hoping for to say the least.

Nigel and I walked into a room with one teacher from every school, and our supervisor, codename: Moneychild (it's a reference to the kanji in his name, not just a random moniker). The Jr. High teacher that was supposed to assist with translation couldn't make it today, so it was down to Nigel and my own abilities of comprehension...not, that the teachers made it easy on us. They wouldn't pause to give Nigel time to translate, and were talking fast, of course.
In short, the understood my complaints and wished me luck on my month-long journeys into Hell. I'm surprised the new textbook they handed me wasn't branded with a large "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here," or that that phrase didn't feature prominently on the new schedule or something. The teachers paid quick lipservice to the complaints that had been communicated to them through the aforementioned absent teacher previously, so there was no need for my explaning them again.
The new textbook, well that's worth a barrelfull of laughs, actually. The textbook that I use now is in Japanese (for the benefit of the teachers, despite the fact that I handle ALL the planning at 3 of 5 schools). At least it has pictures.
That's right. The new textbook, the textbook that I have no teaching materials for, is 90 percent Japanese. Complicated kanji, no pictures, Japanese.
And by waiting so long to give me this information, I can't even begin to have someone translate the chapters for me, and next Wednesday is my last day until I begin teaching at the Elementary school, after my girlfriend heads home.
They still want me to plan everything. New. For every lesson. In Japanese. While teaching the legal maximum of classes every day. After riding my bicycle up a small mountain. Five days a week.

Everyone who knows me back home knows how extremely lucky I am. I'm extremely fortunate because I have never encountered a problem or issue that I couldn't surmount alone, with a bit of elbow grease and the good ol' college try. I've never accepted something as outside of my ability to change it. And, this of all things is making me wrestle with this issue. ...And I put myself through college almost entirely alone ... in America!
It's a strange paradox for me. If I sacrifice my time off and work my ass off to study japanese enough to read the book, stay after work to make new materials, go into work early up a mountain in winter (I sound like my grandfather!), I'll be a good teacher; my ultimate goal. BUT, the downside is that my employers won't even appreciate it. They'll just come to expect it from me and everyone else that works here. So, by succeeding to myself and my students, I encourage the irrational treatment that will likely ruin my life for a whole month.
If, on the other hand, I only work during work hours, expect teachers to help me with translation, explanation and materials production (which they certainly won't), and basically try to shrug off the anxiety, I will fail my students. Employers be damned, these kids want to learn and I can teach them! But, if I teach them, my employers will all chuckle and know that they can work me this hard as long as they like, and expect me to carry on this way until I leave.

So, the best thing that could happen for me is illustrating how stupid and untenable this plan is, though I do so only at the expense of the kid's education.

On the plus side, this is a "Trial Run," to last only two months; one month I'm at elementary, and the next, it's Nigel. So, it's not like their education would be "ruined," just postponed. After two months, we'll have another meeting. If I can clearly prove that the plan is not succeeding, and is fact making me a much less effective teacher, they'll be more willing to cooperate.
I suppose I shouldn't feel so torn about it, but I do. I don't give a damn about the people I work for; in fact, they've proven themselves to be a bunch of stupid assholes. But, I can't look the kids in the eye and not try my best. I'll have to think it over over vacation.

Goddamn it, you guys. Goddamn it.

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